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louisa
920507
adps
sngs
hci
Monday, June 25, 2007

i don't know if there's something wrong with me, or something wrong with something else.

i've just been sent way over the edge.
my temper is boiling, my blood is boiling,
and it's not likely to cool down soon.

i am not going to say here what happened that made me so angry.
maybe if you know me very well then you will have a rough idea.

look, i dont know what the heck you are up to okay.
all right, i admit, maybe we should have asked everybody first.
but still.
i was right there, i was right in front of you,
and you just plain ignored me.
you went about things your own way
not even planning to tell me
not even planning to tell us.
so now everything's my fault, isn't it?
let me get this straight.
i don't know how exactly you're thinking or what.
but i want to get this clear.
what seth tan said today is true.
everybody has a choice.
the choices others make can deny you the chance to make a choice.
and it's not my fault that the choices they made
didn't go your way.
i chose to walk down this path.
everything that i've been through so far in sj,
i chose to go through it.
it's my own life, it's my own decision.
there's hardly room for you to care.

and i'm not even half finished yet.
i know it's not easy.
but the whole thing not being easy still doesn't justify anything.
it doesn't justify the way you do things behind everybody's back,
trying to be the behind-the-scenes one-man crew,
and then coming around and complaining that you don't know what's going on.
when you actually ought to know jolly well
that all we know put together doesn't even match up to half of what you know.
it doesn't justify how you expect things to be done your way,
and if it's done any other way,
and people have agreed on it,
accept it.
it doesn't help to play around at that point in time.
it doesn't help that you've got a totally unrealistic expectation either.
i tried to tell you, but you were too far gone.
since that's how it's going to be, that's how i'm leaving it.

this is the first time i really feel like giving someone a slap.
you know, a good, tight and painful one that they always do in dramas.

i cant take this.
i'm feeling extremely murderous now.
maybe i should go and buy dinner.
maybe i'll cool off.